new rule

You can only call a fetus an “unborn baby” if you seriously call yourself an “undead human”.

Friday ~ July 29, 2011 by b

Posted in humor,poli | 6,681 Comments | blog@goodtofu.org

dinner story

We sat down at the table, assuming our usual places.

Dave (the redneck of the group) took a seat at the end, and looked thru the menu. Mary ordered a chef’s salad. John asked about the specials; he always liked the “freshest” dish, and claimed that the chef would promote “freshest” rather than “stock he’s trying to get rid of”.

We’d filed in past a group of protesting Humanitarians coming in.

“Self-righteous pricks. What gives them any right to tell me what to eat anyway? It’s my body.” mumbled Dave, with an over-emphasis on common sense.

“They always kinda give me the creeps” said Mary. “Can’t they just go protest somewhere else?”

“Hey now, they’re just speaking their conscience,” I chided. “I actually agree with their ideas, just not their methods.”

Dave made noises like a crying child loudly, that mutated into a loud snore. Then he stopped and deftly proclaimed “I’m just kidding you, GT. We all respect your opinion.”

Mary relayed a story to me, an explanation that all of the feeder-babies would never have had good homes. That they got better treatment on the farm, perhaps even more attention. That they couldn’t survive in the wild because they’d been raised in captivity. That they were all slaughtered humanely. That Green Babies were available for anyone really concerned about farm conditions and not just gathering followers and donations. I had answers to these questions that ae well-known and obvious to most humanitarians, but I didn’t bother presenting them. This wasn’t a debate, however much it pretended to be one. It was about the carnivores feeling good about their actions despite having a humanitarian in their ranks. I was a prop, not a participant.

Dave mumbled about how it wasn’t right to avoid eating babies. “They’ve got all the good nutrients. It’s natural to eat them.” also “Besides, GT, we ate at that humanitarian restaurant last Friday, so it’s all good. We’re just taking turns and it’s only fair that you come here more. There’s more of us”. Dave was very proud of this logic and became angry when it was questioned. Then he made gagging motions and complained about the taste of tofu.

So I ordered a salad, no cheese, no dressing. I fully expected the waiter to simply move the smokey-toe flavored bbq sauce to the side, not realizing that it was made with smoked toes. I don’t even eat toes; I’m just that hardcore.

Jane gave an exasperated sigh. “I don’t see how you live without cheese. I mean, I understand how theoretically it’s not nice to the mother to take the breast milk, but it’s not like she needs it anymore.” she added “I just don’t buy that it supports the babiest industry”. Jane dabbled in lacto-ovo Humanitarianism but never really was a radical who went all the way. “But I’m not like Dave; he’s just gross”. She helpfully finished off her point with “Besides, I can’t live without cheese”. I avoided pointing out that most mammals weaned long before puberty with little harm. Best to avoid disturbing anyone while they eat; they just get mad and ignore any logical points.

Meanwhile, Dave ordered a newborn riblet with a side of fried brains and some sticky fingers w/ dipping sauce as an app. He calmly asked me for the 406th time how I’m Humanitarian but still pro-choice. It was a total contradiction in his world that most humanitarians in this country are pro-choice.

As we continued on with lunch, I eventually steered the conversation away from discussion of humanitarianism.

Thursday ~ March 10, 2011 by b

Posted in advocacy,dining,humor,veg | 2,547 Comments | blog@goodtofu.org

lol

I need more funnies here. I know, because I’ve got about 400 articles I’ll never publish out of their being too serious.

So, this gem from CNN:

Hey, did you know that before “LOL” came to mean “laughing out loud,” it was code for “little old lady” in the medical world? Well, unless you’re a doc alerting your compatriots to the arrival of a particularly ornery blue-haired broad, never should you stir your vocal cords to utter the phrase “LOL.”

Why? Because you’re not actually laughing.

Friday ~ September 17, 2010 by b

Posted in humor | 6,811 Comments | blog@goodtofu.org